I think I may be dying, I bemuse, without actually feeling too emotional about the thought. I knew that eventually I would see the signs that I'm too far gone, but now that I do, I don't really want to live that long, anyway. Certainly, I do not want to die in disgrace, or pain, but there is very little that dying from some other terrible malaise would provide, that advanced old age wouldn't. I see the elderly (or not so elderly) and infirm at their very worst extremities, the ones that they endure before they die. I hear the stories from the family, I see the hidden relief in their eyes that the suffering is over. I am a bit beyond dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse . I have already exceeded expectations vastly for my own expected lifespan, and unlike the hopeful, one-year-sober, well-rested, active, outdoorsy and thriving entity of almost exactly five years ago, I see little interest of living a life I want to take active part in. My l...