Life & Death, with Flowers in-Between

 You were like a drug to me, picked up so casually  just because I thought you seemed fun and when I was spiraling, you took me viciously, to my knees   but ever after always offered a hand back up I knew it felt wrong, when friends and family warned me off, I gloated that I "knew better" and the most addictive drugs, the ones that feel best, are the ones that were made for medicine Numb, isolated, bored, but...  ok Screaming, crying, fighting... no, I'm not okay I'm dying but I want another hit, I'm missing you because you fit my life was such a mess, before and after you So what did I lose? to reclaim that island of me, surrounded by your toxic sea, lime green seething with monsters at the edge of the beach grains of sand like broken glass, a thousand cuts on my hands but in I sink because it stings , but then I embrace the heat: battery acid and brandy down my throat like a toxic shot, a shock, another hit of adrenaline and   co-dependancy give it to me ...

 The usual: red flags everywhere and in more animated display than usual.  The ones which come with holographic emblems, or foil edging, but regardless, underneath, display the unmistakable base color: RED .  Blood red, wine red, seeing red.  That One . Is it my nature or my curse, to make the conscious decision to walk through this field of red flags, so cleverly adorned, as though I am a weary traveler through the poppies of Oz.  I suppose being dumb isn't necessarily a curse ... but going on my premise that each failed relationship is a lesson , I stand to learn a lot about tolerance and communication, and... maybe learn to let go a little bit of control. If we don't kill each other first. This post was started on October 4, and rediscovered October 18.  The day after we blew up one last time, we finally admitted that we loved each other, and blocked each other on all social media. It's sad, but... I think I can move on. I think I learned my lesson.