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Sanctuary (with a Mild Breeze)

I think at 55 days sober, it's alright to take a couple of days to reflect on who I truly am, alone and independent.  I feel as though I should be doing more, making more progress, working on quitting smoking, eating better, losing weight more quickly, getting out more, making more meetings, but... I only feel anxious about my own progress when I start relating it to what others are doing with the same sober time, or more.  I'm always chasing ideals, daydreaming of a better future.

Some days, it's enough to get dressed, take a shower, get some minor chores done, and feel comfortable with the presence of oneself.  Not dwelling on social media or taking in the testimonies of others, just separating from the world and reflecting on what makes my own personal ideal of success.

Today, my personal level of success is feeling happy.  Gently touching base with a couple of close friends to remind them that 1) I am alive and 2) I am still devastatingly funny, even without substance.
Today, my personal level of comfort is keeping my own thoughts and staying indoors.
Today, my personal level of success is drawing something colorful and cute.
Today, my personal level of comfort is taking a shower and doing my laundry while watching anime.
Today, my personal level of success is staying off of the scale and eating intuitively.
Today, my personal level of comfort is drinking a few glasses of raspberry iced tea, calories be damned. 
Today, my personal level of success is enough, and I am valid for enjoying my days off however I feel most comfortable, so long as I continue to progress when I am feeling a little bit better.

Today it is okay to be comfortable, and comforted by the small ways I am stretching my own limits, and that is a success.

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