A Thought from last night...
Usually, I have very nebulous reasons for staying in a partnership. It was something I placed more on myself: "I like the way I feel when he..." or "He makes me..." and the longevity was usually based on my perception of their capacity to put up with my bullshit.
Small fights breaking out isn't new for me, but not feeling more secure in the relationship bonds after a tit (or alternatively, breaking things off completely) is strange territory.
E. is not afraid to walk away after a fight. He makes it very clear that he stays here so long as he chooses to, and I respect that so long as it's benefiting him, he will find it easier to choose my company. I am very much the same way. Thank god we both prefer to talk over conflicts (after a healthy cooling-off period) and find compromises within those conflicts.
I find it somewhat important that a partnership doesn't crumble the first time voices are raised.
And I'm very much using that word deliberately here, because I've very much met my match in ... just about every regard. He is the stronger puller in the caisson but it suits my nature to be the steady.
E. makes my life interesting. He makes it better, and I become better through my own introspection, after considering his unique point of view. I'm even working through some deep sexual repression with his ... help. Another Thought from last night... I could very easily have climaxed for the first time, via penetration, sober, and he made it very, very easy to follow his gentle directions and get out of my own head. It's a topic I have explored often... how far can an individual work on one's own personality, without an opposing number to challenge perceptions?
Yes, it's been a perception-challenging kind of day.
A good day. A productive day. Another day that I felt happy standing next to him, going about life as a human being re-learning how to co-exist in close proximity with another. There are ups and downs, but overall... when he's away... I find myself missing the comfort of his closeness.
Maybe, once again, I could foster a bit of hope that this could last, within the proximity of friendship.
Much longer than in the more demanding congress of a monogamous couple.
Thoughts for another dozey night, I suppose.
Usually, I have very nebulous reasons for staying in a partnership. It was something I placed more on myself: "I like the way I feel when he..." or "He makes me..." and the longevity was usually based on my perception of their capacity to put up with my bullshit.
Small fights breaking out isn't new for me, but not feeling more secure in the relationship bonds after a tit (or alternatively, breaking things off completely) is strange territory.
E. is not afraid to walk away after a fight. He makes it very clear that he stays here so long as he chooses to, and I respect that so long as it's benefiting him, he will find it easier to choose my company. I am very much the same way. Thank god we both prefer to talk over conflicts (after a healthy cooling-off period) and find compromises within those conflicts.
I find it somewhat important that a partnership doesn't crumble the first time voices are raised.
And I'm very much using that word deliberately here, because I've very much met my match in ... just about every regard. He is the stronger puller in the caisson but it suits my nature to be the steady.
E. makes my life interesting. He makes it better, and I become better through my own introspection, after considering his unique point of view. I'm even working through some deep sexual repression with his ... help. Another Thought from last night... I could very easily have climaxed for the first time, via penetration, sober, and he made it very, very easy to follow his gentle directions and get out of my own head. It's a topic I have explored often... how far can an individual work on one's own personality, without an opposing number to challenge perceptions?
Yes, it's been a perception-challenging kind of day.
A good day. A productive day. Another day that I felt happy standing next to him, going about life as a human being re-learning how to co-exist in close proximity with another. There are ups and downs, but overall... when he's away... I find myself missing the comfort of his closeness.
Maybe, once again, I could foster a bit of hope that this could last, within the proximity of friendship.
Much longer than in the more demanding congress of a monogamous couple.
Thoughts for another dozey night, I suppose.