The sweetest soul I have ever known in my life expired today. We had a long life together, not always a good life, but I could always trust and believe that Rufus would be there to love back together the pieces when I was falling apart. Insistently. Incessantly. Patiently.
We should all be so lucky, to have someone willing to dig us out of the blankets like the turd we are feeling, when the depression makes the outside world feel too mean and hard.
After 11 years of being an apartment-dwelling city kitty, his final wishes were to go outside, every day. And we did. Me, trailing behind a respectful distance as his old legs took him shorter and shorter distances between quick rests in the woods, until he found the perfect spot to consider his long kitty-cat life in. Him sighing against my shoulder and letting his tired bones relax into my arms when it was finally time to go inside and struggle through another night of Dying. Through his fading sight, even the outside that I considered "scary" became a wonderful place, because we were together. I was fixated on seeing the world through his eyes while he was experiencing it for the first and the last time, bugbites and mystery noises in the woods be damned. I held my breath when his became faint. I called out in reassurance when he cried out to me, and until the bitter end, he would chirp encouragingly whenever I checked on him.
I imagine him, out there in the woods still. Big and strong as he was in his prime, tail twitching in excitement as he bounds about on his big bear feet, not a hunter but an explorer of the beautiful places in the world. I just pray I can live a good enough life to make it to the Elysian Fields in Heaven, where every day will be perfect 70 degree weather, big blue skies with rolling clouds, and every sunset and sunrise will be absolutely beautiful, as it was during the last days that my Pooh Bear, my Ruby, was Earthside.
I miss you, bub. See you on the other side, and remember that Mama Lubbu, Forever.
